Monday May 7, 2012

Today was another tough day. Mallory is having a lot of arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats) and they are happening much more often. Her BNP increased again to 600 although her troponin had gone down to 9. She has more edema meaning she is carrying a lot of extra fluids.

As a result, today we met with the transplant team to discuss our options.

Today I went through so many emotions... Anger about why this was happening to us. Fear of the medical unknown on what Mallory's life would be like. Happiness that we even have transplant as an option. Sadness for my little Mallory having to endure all of this at 2 weeks old.

Dustin and I sat very quiet as they talked about a heart transplant. Again, I focused on numbers.

14-15 years: average time that a heart will last
30% will not make it past the first year
16-17 per year: amount of transplants they do
15: average number of daily medications she will take the first year

You never think as a parent that you would be put in a situation like this. I question a lot how we are supposed to make this decision.

I left this meeting very angry and we were given a timeline that we should come to a decision on if transplant would be an option we would want for our little Mallory. We have 2 days to decide that... 2 days and I didn't even want to think or talk about it.